Alright peoples… here are some quick, short jokes you can share with your friends. Hell, you can even share these with your enemies!
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Hey, why the long face?”
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
With children, you spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. You then spend the rest of the time telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Did you hear the Energizer Bunny was arrested? He was charged with battery.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen
Unfortunately, we live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted.
A dog limps into a bar and says, “I’m lookin’ for the man who shot my paw.”
Why do farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them too.
What’s the hardest thing about being a Republican? Telling your parents you’re gay.
What kind of birds flock together? Vel-crows.
75% of all statistics are wrong.
If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, where do girls with one leg work? I-HOP.
What do you call a psychic midget that just escaped from jail? A Small Medium at Large.
What are seagulls that live by the bay? BAGELS
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic and so am I.
A truck carrying copies of Roget’s Thesaurus over-turned on the highway. The local newspaper reported that the onlookers were “stunned, overwhelmed, astonished, bewildered, and dumfounded.”
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